Current Feelings

I have mixed up feelings right now.  My life is in a state of flux.  Many many things are changing around me.  My work, my part time jobs, my friends, my relationships.  Everything is in a flux.

With the holidays and the busy schedules, I haven't been playing as much.  It's actually been a little quiet around here.  I have to admit to having sex maybe once a week. 

My Christmas was okay.  Lonely without my kids.  Then my son got sick on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, then I got sick the day after that.  Just the stomach virus thing, no biggie, but missed a day of work.

Work has been horrendous.  Slow then slammed, having a hard time finding a good balance between it all. So I'm either flush or broke.  No happy medium, hopefully things will level out soon.

New Years Eve was great!  Was in Baltimore at a huge HUGE hotel bash with thousands of my closest friends.  Actually there were 6 of us who went, but we kept getting separated.  I shared my NYE with a good friend and lover.  Prior to the party we were in the room, providing a show for the people across the street in the other high rise hotel.  Lights on, curtains wide open, and lots of sex.  I do believe we even got some waves, some light flashes, and high 5 signs!  It was great.  I enjoy being an exhibitionist sometimes. We did the same thing after the midnight bell - more sex with the lights on.  It was great fun!  My friend is great fun too.

I find myself becoming quite attached to him.  We've been friends for several months now, and on and off lovers.  He is a swinger too. Somehow or another he has managed to consistently remain a part of my, persistently pursue my time, and has been very successful at it. To the point where he is now my most consistent and reliable lover. He talks to me every day, which is critical. Although he is married his wife swings too and they both know about everything.  He is good looking and fun to be with.  Great with any crowd.  That's all I need........another steady man in my life.  YIKES!!

Happy New Year

I'm off for a fun filled night in Baltimore with friends.  I hope all my blogger friends are whooping it up and enjoying themselves tonight!!

I refuse to grow up....

I'm responding to a comment left by Big Daddy on my Emotional Turmoil post.

He said I needed to grow up.  I disagree. I don't really think I need to "grow up". I don't find myself immature, or unable to function without the care and assistance of a man.  I don't think I act like a baby or that I need some daddy/male figure to direct and guide my every move.

I think, what I need to find, is the perfect man.  Stop laughing........I know, I know, that's why I'm single!  He doesn't exist.  In Big E I had a man who was really close....he was everything (save for finanically sound).  So I hold out hope.  In the meantime, for the most part, I enjoy myself.  I enjoy my friends, and going out, and having fun. 

I get lonely sometimes, and long for the closeness that intimacy with someone special holds. And in instances like last night when I met with someone to see if there was any "chemistry" I can get some of that.  And it holds me over for awhile. And that intimacy is given to me by some of my closer friends as well.

I get frustrated with finances, so I work harder, instead of depending on a man to do it for me.

I get horny, so I call one of my friends if they haven't called me first.

So, I don't think it's growing up I need to do, I just need to find the one man that's right for me.  Or, learn how to better be satisfied with the ones I do have in the interium.

I had a friend tell me the other day I have the "perfect man".  I looked at him quizzically.  He said, "how many guys do you see?"  I said "3".  He says......"So you take the best parts of each of the three and you have one perfect man." 

I've decided I need 4 - still looking for the one who can spoil me materially......LMAO!!!

I don't wanna....

I don't want to be me anymore.  I'm choosing someone else's life for the rest of the day.

My New Donate Button

Lift the ladies.....

I've started a "new" campaign.  Allowing any sweet person to assist in helping to lift the ladies.  The ladies being my breasts of course.  I guess there is a website that helps women get their breast implants paid for.  However I have enough to do with the blog and trying to get started in some other ventures that I don't have time to manage yet one more thing.

So I created a button through paypal, although evidentally you don't HAVE to have a paypal account to donate.

My original goal was to have a mastopexy - where they lift the breast.  However after doing more research I've found that they move the nipple and aerola up, which would affect my ability to lactate.  Which is something I DO NOT want to give up.  So a small set of implants that will fill up the tissues that are "sagging" and will create a fuller and better breast is what I am seeking.  And everything I have read says that DOES NOT affect breastfeeding - or in my case - kinky feeding!  LOL

So that's my goal.  Should you wish to donate that's what the money will be used for. My most recent research reveals a really good set of implants will run about $6/7k, maybe less since I am only looking for something small and not intending to recreate the world of big boobs are us!  If you all donate, and the number starts going up, then I will take a trip to the plastic surgeon and finalize the details and keep you updated. 

Thanks for being a great reader!

WTF

I haven't had sex since Wednesday.  Heads are going to roll VERY FUCKING SOON!!!!!  And the girls are going crazy - took me 15 minutes to express them in the shower this am!  WTF!!!!

Private Time

I enjoy my private time.  Usually in the mornings.  When its quiet, before the kids wake up, or when I just roll over and hit the snooze button.  I reach over to my dresser and grab my wand, plug it in (gotta LOVE a vibrator that you must PLUG in!), and put it on my clit.  The wand is so powerful, I can do it outside of my panties, or inside if I'm feelin like it.  Whichever works.  If I'm in a hurry, I'll just push my panties aside and won't take them off, pull up my nightgown or even just put it outside my pj bottoms. Depends on what I'm wearing that night. And yes, I always wear pajamas, unless I have company. I LOVE pajamas.

The wand can bring me to climax in minutes.  Quick minutes. That's part of the appeal of the wand.  I don't generally masterbate with my fingers, it's always the wand or something else that vibrates. Just a little FYI. :-) While I've got the wand pegged on my clit, I'm usually playing with my breasts. Breast play is one of my favorite activities.  Alone, with a friend, anytime.  

They are usually really full in the morning, swollen and ready to be milked. Unfortunately it's usually ME who ends up milking them, which in the realm of private time is no issue at all.  I love watching the milk come out, squeezing and pulling on my nipple and seeing it spray into the air. Every now and then it lands on my face.  I pull the nipple, expressing the milk, and then lick it off my fingers. It gets me off to see it. Between the breast play and wand, I usually come in 5 min or less. I can hold off, but depending on the morning sometimes I need to hurry.

For those who do not know, or who have not had the pleasure of tasting breast milk....it's very sweet.  Very!  Tastes like milk with sugar in it.  And it's sooooo good.  I love it.  I wish I could reach my breasts myself I would be taking it out and putting it right back in! Alrighty then, on THAT note, it's time for private time...

Why Lie?

I don't get it.  WHY?  Why do people lie? WHY WHY WHY WHY? 

Let's reverse ---- I posted on Sunday Nov 21 about a special man.  He and I had been talking on the phone, emailing, texting, even web cam for several weeks prior to meeting.  We finally had our first date on Sat Nov 20th.  He is the one who said "nothing prepared me for the hotness of you".

He said all the right things, portrayed himself as a man who could give me the world on a silver platter, and indicated and acted as if the things that I liked, he liked as well.  He said he wanted the same fantasies I did, the same desires, the same level of naughtiness, he said he wanted me.

Then he left. Supposedly to go do some "military work". Said he found out on the Friday before we met that he was going to be gone for 6-8 weeks.  Gave me the option to cancel.  I stuck it out, wanted to know if he was going to be worth waiting for. As I said, it was an incredible date, we hit it off so well.  He was so sweet and wonderful and kind and just simply perfect.  Too perfect. 

I asked about his background, and then the week after we met, checked out part of his story.  The vineyard he said he owned part of, he didn't, the house he said he owned, he doesn't.  I knew right after we met about his lies, but didn't mention it.  Hoping he would come clean. We have continued to talk and text, and share stories and time with each other via email and text.  I have dedicated a good portion of my last several weeks to him.

Today, my friend was finally able to run a background check on him. I got the call in the late afternoon that my special man didn't exist.  At all.  Not for the job he says he does, or the person he says he is.  So, because I DONT lie, I texted him. 

Me:  "Do you go by any other name?"
Him:  blah blah blah "why do you ask?" 
Me:  "Because I ran a background check on you and insert your name here does not exist". 

It took a while for the response, once it came it read like this.  "I"m out". 

My response to him....."quite literally".

Why?  I'm not a judgemental person.  I mean hell I post my life on this blog. I share every slutty detail.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  I'm just as up front and honest in person.  I just don't get it WHY?  What is there to gain by lying to me?  Or to anyone for that matter?  Why Why Why?  And the guys that I date WONDER why I have such trouble trusting people.... 

Bring Me Down

Bring me down....in a good way.  People who don't like pain, or who don't understand the euphoria that can come from pain -  will completely NOT understand this post. But that's okay.  Because I do.

Sometimes, I get really high.  I've never done heroin or cocaine or anything like that, but my guess would be its that kind of high.  Where you have impaired judgement but don't realize it, feel invincible, on top of the world, and just completely MANIC. 

When I get this way, it manifests itself in different ways.  Sometimes I become a workaholic, sometimes a cleaning freak, sometimes and most often, a sexual fiend. That's what happened last week.  The sexual fiend part that is. 

I had been on a terror for more than a week and just COULD NOT come down.  Every man  (or woman) that I looked at I felt like I could eat them up and fuck them raw.

Now I had sex a lot last week.  A whole lot.  And it wasn't helping.  I could not just simply could not come down. Now some may say, awe poor baby all sexed up.  Yeah, except it gets a little frustrating when you feel like you could fuck the wall and your play partners are busy or fucked out! And it's also frustrating to be consumed by the thought of sex, and spend half of your day fucking yourself.  So, although I'm generally a "high" sex drive kind of girl, this was WAAY over the top. 

It's happened before, and I know of a sure fire way to come down the right way.  I texted Him. Asked if he was busy.  He said yes, why?  I explained.  He offered to let me come over for a little while and help. I totally took him up on the offer.

He has evolved.  Hugely.  He had this bench set up in the living room, and all of the implements laid out.  He had instructed me to bring my wand. Most of the items he made/created/modified himself.  He is a helluva creative man!

He had me standing on this platform, where my ankles were strapped to the post, and the post was a height adjustable dildo which he fitted into my pussy. Essentially that meant I couldn't really move a whole lot.  I guess that was the point.

The flogger was first.  And always my favorite.  I LIKE the flogger.  My tolerance to pain has diminished so much.  But I sucked it up and he was actually very generous in his methods by giving me breaks and working me up to handle more.

After the flogger was ummm, the cane I think? Or something that had multiple sticks on it.  I think the cane was one of the last.  The paddle was definitely involved, and I really really really HATED the paddle.  His hand, he used his hand alot.  To the point where I asked if it hurt, and not just my ass.

He has a way with my ass, beating it that is. I appreciate it and enjoyed every minute. That is something I truly enjoy about being with him.  I feel completely comfortable with him and am able to trust him.  Trust is very difficult for me to give.

 Nothing like a shiny red ass!

The above picture was the night of my ass beating, the below picture was the morning after.  I bruise so easily. 

   This time, the bruises only lasted about 5 days, previously when he had beaten me if the foyer my bruises lasted more than 2 weeks.  Not sure if it was the implements that affected how long the bruising stayed, or what. 

New Photo

A friend of mine is an amature photographer, and we did a photo shoot mid Nov. This is one of the pictures from it that seems to generate some hot responses! I enjoyed the shoot and had fun with it.  I'll share more photos soon.

Emotional Turmoil

I have issues.  Mental health issues. I guess we all do right? It's called a recession.

I have all these "irons in the fire", trying to generate income, make it better around my house, take some of the pressure off of myself with struggling to pay the bills.  Nothing is panning out.  I get my hopes up, then dashed. Up again, then dashed. Thought about getting them up, then dashed again.

THEN, I met a special man. One who took my breath away, said all the right things, made my heart twitterpate, and who promised me the moon and the stars. Who was unprepared for the hotness of me.  Then he goes away and I am left still paying the mortgage on those moon and stars.

THEN, I meet 2 new men with the possibility to make things easier. One, doesn't like how many irons I have in the fire.  The other, is damn busy and can't find his own iron. Dashed again.

THEN, because that wasn't enough for my little head to absorb, I meet yet one more man.  A good man.  One who doesn't know about my blog.  One who is unprepared for the "naughtyness of me". One who thinks lactation is the kinkiest thing on the planet and was a little freaked out by it.  A man who slept next to me all night long and held me close, but did not expect sex.  A good man who kisses like a dream and plays with my hair, and brought me a flower on our first date. A man who craves intimacy as much as I do.  He doesn't even own an iron.

So, here I sit, with my cat on the table next to me hiding his eyes.  Bills still to pay and not enough money to pay them, working every minute I can to try and fill in the gaps.  Missing time with my kids in the process. A double edged sword for sure. Days like today that just really fucking suck, when I work all day long and one thing after another happens and it turns out that I practically OWE my boss money. Thankfully I don't, but days like today are really tough.

I'm tired of working 6 and 7 days a week.  I'm tired of wondering how I'm going to pay the mortgage and if they are going to turn off my power (again).  So I have a request:  Will one of you many thousands of people who read my blog, yes I see the counter go up you non-comment leaving fiends, but will one of you wave your magic wand and send me a benevolent man who just wants to make my life easier?
I would so appreciate that!

I Suck

I never really realized how much I suck.  Cock that is.  I suck a LOT of cock.  Holy moly.  But heck, when you have one that looks THIS good?  How could you not want to suck it?

This is my new friend.  I like making new friends.  He doesn't have a nick name yet.  I haven't thought of one.  We need to have sex again so I can think of something.  He is a beautiful thing to look at...I like his body, nice and perfectly proportioned, his face is drop dead gorgeous, hot pierced nipples, and well, look at that...

That right there is a picture of perfection! Long and thick, a nice curve, OMG makes me wet just looking at the photos. Dammit but I am horny! I wish I had one of those booklet things, where each page makes the next one, like it's moving?  I would do that with these kinds of pictures, making his cock disappear into my mouth.  Or at least as much as I could get down my throat.

I like it when my friends enjoy taking photos.  Some read the blog, others don't, but for the most part I am fortunate that they let me take pics. Every now and then I get lucky with someone who really likes the camera, oh wait - that would be ME who really likes the camera.

However I prefer his cock over the camera anyday.  I'm hoping we get together again soon.

For this "little" activity, is something well worth repeating!

Milk Me

I love the milk.  It totally gets me off.  Sometimes it gets me off more than my guy.  But not THIS guy - he is the "milk man".  He loves the milk as much as I do, and often fights me for it!

Things have jazzed up again, and I'm producing alot! He loves to squeeze me and watch the milk come out.  I love to see it spray from my nipples.

I love this picture where I can see my milk dripping down his wrists...and his mouth opens to catch it.

Not one for wasting the milk, he loves to drink it as well. Sucking deeply from my breasts he fires me up!

I look at this picture, above, and see imperfections and things I don't like, and wonder what on earth people see in me. My face is pretty and I have nice hair, but I look at myself naked and wonder.....

When the Milk Man and I are together we have a really great time...we play and have fun and enjoy great sex together.  We also laugh and joke and fool around too. From the pussy.......

To the ass.  Milk man has been wanting to try the ass on for size for quite some time, and the opportunity finally "presented" itself this day.  He slid it deep into my ass, nice and slow, the puckered hole opening up for him as his shaft penetrated its tightness.

He fucked my ass slowly at first, then gaining momentum as it loosened up for him, began to pound me hard and fast.  Milk man milked his cock in my tight little hole until it milked the cum right out of him.

Damn but we have a great time together.!

Compliment me - I love it!

Last night I was on a first date with the new special man in my life.  We have emailed, texted, cammed, and spoken on the phone.  We met in person finally after several weeks of technology meets....

He sat next to me, looked me in the face and said "Nothing prepared me for the hotness of you."

Sigh.

Familiarity

Often times I find that it is those who know us best that affect us the most.  I received an unexpected phone call from a well known friend of this blog early last week.  Here is a hint, the blog is named after him.  He took me to a kink meet and greet with him. Which was really considerate because I would never go to such things like that by myself.  To make a long story short the meet n greet was a bust.  I was uncomfortable and we left rather quickly.  We stopped to get a bite to eat then he brought me home.

This picture is from right after the spanking, I bruised IMMEDIATELY.

My expectations were - none.  I thanked him for taking me and walked him to the door.  He stood in my foyer, wrapped his long fingers in my hair, and pulled my head back, taking my mouth in his.  He violated my mouth with his, then reaching behind me unsnapped my bra and took my nipple in his fingers.  He worked and pulled my nipple, and due to my heightened arousal the milk was flowing from me like a fountain. (I always produce more when fired up).  It was hard not to cum, and he reminded me to "mind my manners", and I resisted.

He brought me to my knees, still there in the foyer, and pushed my head to the floor, raising my ass to him.  And proceeded to give me quite the spanking --- he hit me with his hands on the outside of my jeans until my ass was on fire.  Then he continued with a shoe that happened to be sitting next to the door.  By the time he was done, my pussy was dripping wet and had soaked through my jeans, and my ass was flaming hot.

As I sat kneeling in the foyer, I could hear him unzip his pants as he walked around in front of me.  He put his cock in my mouth, ramming it to the back of my throat. He fucked my face and would not let me swallow my own drool, until it was running of my chin in a steady flow.  He continued to fuck my face until he came deep into my throat, and I swallowed his cum, letting none escape.

He patted my pussy through my jeans, remarked at the wetness, and told me I should go upstairs and take care of that....and he left.

This last photo is from the morning after....the bruises are still there, although faint now.  It's been more than 10 days.